“Hang on. Please don’t talk about balls while I’m on the phone.” — Crystal
“It’s like little tiny leprechauns dancing through my veins.” — This is what happens when Ted drinks coffee.
“You know, monkeys are the only animals who do it missionary.” — Joe
“You don’t have to be a jerk every time you come over here…Jerkface!” — Ted (jokingly) to Marty
“I like my beauties black!” — Annie
“Do you want to pet Steve’s weiner?” — Joe to Crystal, about Steve’s weiner dog, curled-up in his arm.
“You should be happy to get that stupid thing out of you!” — Joe, about Erin’s pregnancy
“Oh, my God! THAT’S a bouffant!!!” — Veronique
“I couldn’t get it in my mouth fast enough!” — Veronique, referring to an Orange-flavored Lifesaver candy
“You get the poop out, I’ll throw it on my boob and we’re done.” — Erin, on how she and her husband plan to parent