“You know, monkeys are the only animals who do it missionary.”
- Joe
“You don’t have to be a jerk every time you come over here…Jerkface!”
- Ted (jokingly) to Marty
“Do you want to pet Steve’s weiner?”
- Joe to Crystal, about Steve’s weiner dog, curled-up in his arm.
“You should be happy to get that stupid thing out of you!”
- Joe, about Erin’s pregnancy
“I couldn’t get it in my mouth fast enough!”
- Veronique, referring to an Orange-flavored Lifesaver candy
“You get the poop out, I’ll throw it on my boob and we’re done.”
- Erin, on how she and her husband plan to parent
